I used to get a lot of hits on my blog from people googling about cheese etiquette.
These days, google thinks I am in expert in European-American dating from this not very well thought out post I wrote when spending time in Florida with my Parisian guy friend. (hilarious that I come up number one in google on the topic since I am obviously really great at dating-pff!)
All my traffic everyday is from people googling this. So, I guess they want to know. Not sure there is any truth to my observations but here we go...
So, I thought I'd re-write the post. I am not expert on dating AT ALL. I have never really "dated" but rather fell into random relationships living in rural spots where there were like two single guys.
Relationships that were mostly with European men as I spent much of my adult life abroad. And there are definitely differences in how Europeans (I know the French more so than others euros) go about romance.
Observing cultural differences is one of my favorite hobbies that started at a young age having a Turkish family, growing up in Chicago where immigrant friends from all over the world was common and practically raised by Polish women.
It was really kinda of hard in the romance world until I traveled where I felt I knew the rules of the game better or perhaps I prefer the way the game is played across the pond. What I am saying, in my perspective it's a bit harder to date in the US. I have many friends who agree and I sent out an e-mail asking them all on their perspective as to better write this post.
Americans are pretty aloof, busy, suppressed, fearful and our puritanical history takes us out of the game a lot. We are a younger culture and lack that traditional courtship ritual which I feel makes it easier. When there are rules to the game everyone knows their role in it. In the US, we seem to be in a stand still because we are all waiting to see what the other person does.
There are no rules here in which to play the game. As in France it is pretty much understood that a man courts a woman. In the US, not so much the case. It seems, American women do a lot of the work and men make little effort compared to our friends over in Europe. Here, there is this whole thing about the chase. It's totally confusing. A women is suppose to be unavailable but if she doesn't accost him at his bar stool she may never get him. Most girls I know in the US did the pursuing and validating.
In the US, the sex thing is a deal breaker. One girlfriend had me read this dating book a few years ago where the author claimed you had to wait 90 days before intimacy. 90 days? It's hard to believe. This is not so much the case in Europe. It's a non issue. Sex is sex and definitely not a deal breaker. That being said the above mentioned Parisian man decided to wait 3 weeks to be intimate with his love, which came as a shock to me.
European men pursue. They don't wait three days to call. They don't be aloof and they don't seem to be as fearful about going after it. It's all a lot more direct and romantic.
One girlfriend commented on how American men are taught to have no emotion or passion. In general, girls in the US never have a clue if a guy is into them. With courtship in France, all it takes is that one connection of eye contact and a smile and the deal is basically done.
French men also compliment all the time. It's in the culture to appreciate a woman and let her know. One of my French friends who moved to the US said when she first moved here she thought she had turned ugly because men never complimented her. That cultural difference was a big adjustment.
I believe people are googling to see how to win over this man or woman from a different culture. This is tough. I have met American women who think the amorous advances of a European man a bit too over the top. And there are many who appreciate the directness of it all, not having to play games.
My non-expert dating, non-dating-experienced "advice" on how to get that man/woman of another culture:
To European men pursuing American women, I'd say keep that directness but take it down a few notches until you know she can handle it.
For an American man trying to get a European, just go for it. Call, be a man, ask her out, actively pursue her, and tell her she is beautiful.
For an American girl trying to get a French guy, just look him in the eye (oh, we love how easy that is!)
And a European girl trying to get an American, don't sleep with him right away and what I have learned after 2 years of dating American men again, is the girl has to be the pursuer. The girl calls the shots and has to be direct if she wants him. I spent a year dateless until I figured that one out.
Oh and one girlfriend told me about a new rule when it comes to American men, you're not suppose to reply to all text messages. Absolutely ridiculous. Is this true?
Now all this being said, a theme through out all my replies from friends was that yes there are different rules when it comes to dating but they all said something along the lines of sometimes you just hit it off with someone, there is a spark, and if it is the right person than none of the sh*t will matter. #amen
What are thoughts on dating differences? Any good stories of dating someone from a different culture? Do you agree with my observations? Anything to add?
I do love some cultural comparison talk maybe next post will be on top sheet vs. no top sheet. (I am with the French on the no top sheet!) or salutations or how different cultures use cutlery (I love that one!) or cultural differences in wine drinking...
***Here is a great video from one of my favorite bloggers where a French girl asks New Yorkers about dating where they talk of the differences.