Life is absolutely grand off the grid, in California, in a National Park, on the
ocean, in a forest. But, you know how they say wherever you go, there you are?
Well, I have been thinking about that a lot. As I have a tendency
to think too much, taking myself out of the game, worrying about things
non-existent.
Mainly, I have felt a huge guilt for not writing like I did in
the past. It is not lack of stories, of anecdotes, or musings. Maybe it is that
I realized just how easy these words are to find when my new friend here in
West Marin told me his friends stumbled upon my blog well before we ever met.
I remember the days, in France
or Spain or Morocco when I
felt so far away. I could write and write on my blog, because I was lonely, I
was living in a different culture and I knew no one was really reading.
I miss that anonymity. Oh, I have so much to say these days but
too much attention. What a problem! HA!
I bought a radio the other day. You know the kind you would see
an old man have in his shirt pocket.? A silver square with an extendable
antenna. The kind of man that plays chess in the park and maybe has his glasses
fixed together with a band-aid. You know the one? Let’s give him a pipe, a
beard and an awesome cardigan too.
Anyhow, I live off the grid-ish, as you know. No phone, no tv, no
internet. My car picks up NPR, so I thought perhaps my pocket radio would do
the same. It doesn’t. But, It does pick up the local Bolinas-Point Reyes
Station radio, my small town (population 350) and a neighboring small towns
local broadcasts.
I so enjoy the crackle of the radio. The old timey feeling it
creates makes the world seem small and simple. This is how it used to be, your
only access to things was what the curators at the local station shared. My how
times have changed. I, for one, thoroughly enjoying the lack of options. If it’s
bluegrass hour, well then, bluegrass it is.
The other day, I turned it on and there was this man with a
British accent talking of the Tao. It was an old lecture from Alan Watts, of course!
The interpreter of Zen Buddhism and philosopher who spent time in Marin County.
He said something I often thought of. That in nature, the
mountain never says I should be taller, the valley never sighs that it should
be deeper but us humans put these pressures on ourselves. This is exactly what
I had been doing; I should be writing, I should be taking photos as my skill
will be diminishing, I should be keeping fresh with code, I should exercise and
cut out dairy and drink less wine.
Did I mention, I live in a National Park, on the ocean, in a
forest, off Highway One, in California?
And here I am worried that I may be squandering my potential as a
photographer. Not to say, it is okay to stop shooting but to say,
spending my energy fretting about losing my potential instead of for one,
shooting, and then feeling the sunshine
on my face, hearing the sound of the barn owl, or fully being present to that
herd of elk on the ridge over the ocean I saw tonight at sunset.
I know the mighty Pacific will continue to pacify. And in time,
the words will come again, as will the images. As this, my blog, my
stories/thoughts and pictures is my love. I am learning to be okay with being,
period. And perhaps the best photos aren’t the technical skill but the subject,
the emotion, and the best stories aren’t full of hundreds of impeccably worded
sentences but of truth.
xx